Common Responses After Experiencing a Sexual Assault
If you've experienced sexual assault or harassment, it can be hard to know how to feel. You might wonder: Why am I feeling like this? Is it normal? Should I be doing something differently? The truth is that there's no right or wrong way to feel after a sexual assault or harassment incident. Your feelings are valid and may change over time.
Shock, disbelief, and denial.
Shock, disbelief, and denial are common responses to a sexual assault. The brain is trying to make sense of what happened, so it’s normal for you to have trouble accepting what happened. You may feel like you’re in shock or that the assault didn't really happen; this can be especially true if you were drinking or using drugs at the time.
Guilt, shame, self-blame.
One of the most common feelings after experiencing a sexual assault is guilt and shame. You may feel guilty that you were not able to prevent yourself from being assaulted, or that you didn't do more to stop it from happening in the first place.
You might also feel ashamed about what happened—whether it's because you've been told by someone else that your response was wrong (for example, if a friend says "you shouldn't have dressed that way"), or because you feel like something about yourself has changed (for example, if one of your attackers said something about your body type).
Just remember: none of this is true! If anything, it's completely normal to react with anger and sadness—there is nothing wrong with feeling these things! The person who sexually assaulted you is 100% responsible for their actions; they are not responsible for yours. Just like there's no excuse for violence against anyone else, there's no excuse for violence against another human being (including sexual assault).
Feeling sad and hopeless.
When you experience a sexual assault, it can be difficult to feel hopeful about the future. You may feel sad and hopeless, and these are completely normal reactions.
You are not alone in your feelings of sadness or hopelessness. These feelings do not mean that you did something wrong. It is important to know that these are common reactions after an assault, and you can get help for them.
Withdrawing from others.
You may find that you have a hard time connecting with others and are more isolated than usual. This is a normal response and one that many people experience after an assault. Here are some ways to get support:
Talk to someone you trust—this could be family, friends or another person who has been supportive of this situation. Make sure the person is someone who will listen without judgement and ask questions if they need clarification on what you’re talking about.
You can also talk to your doctor or therapist about how you’re feeling, even if it has been several months since the assault took place. They can help guide you through figuring out what steps might work best for you when it comes to moving forward in your recovery process
Feeling angry.
Anger is a normal response to sexual assault. Anger is not a bad thing, and it can be a way of expressing hurt, frustration and other feelings.
But if you feel angry, it's important to remember that your anger is directed at the perpetrator—not yourself or others. You did nothing wrong!
Your feelings are valid, even if they're hard to understand right now. As time passes and you start processing what happened, these intense emotions may become less intense over time (or they might remain just as intense).
Having physical symptoms or feelings.
Physical symptoms or feelings. You may experience physical symptoms, such as dizziness, nausea, vomiting, muscle aches and pains, headaches and more. These are your body's way of reacting to the stress of the situation. Many people who have been sexually assaulted say that they feel sick or queasy after being sexually assaulted. This does not mean that anything is wrong with them; it means that their bodies have reacted to an extremely stressful event by making them feel ill.
None of these feelings are unusual or wrong.
Most people experience a wide range of emotions following a sexual assault, including denial, disbelief, anger and guilt. But you're not alone in your feelings—they're normal reactions to an abnormal situation.
When someone is sexually assaulted they often feel violated, ashamed or responsible for what happened. Some survivors are surprised that they don't feel more upset right after being attacked because most people expect victims to be overcome with emotion after experiencing such a traumatic event. Others worry that if they do cry or show some other emotion that it will reinforce the idea among others who see them (and perhaps even themselves) as weak or fragile.
But feeling unemotional doesn’t mean you were unaffected by what happened; rather it means that your body and brain are responding in the way they feel they need to at the moment, often to protect you or as a response to shock or overwhelm. We promise you, you make sense and there is absolutely nothing wrong with any emotions you are or are not feeling.
We know it can be hard to talk about these feelings, but we hope that by reading this post you feel more confident and equipped to understand how your response is not just normal, but a necessary part of the healing process. The most important thing is for survivors to find someone who will listen without judgment or expectation—whether that’s a friend or family member, therapist or other professional counselor or online support group. If you are looking for a trauma therapist, don’t hesitate to reach out. We would be honored to support you.