How Parents Can Support Their Child’s Mental Health: Wisdom from Child and Play Therapists in Philadelphia
Caregivers and supportive adults want to do everything in their power to ensure children feel safe, loved, and emotionally well. Yet, navigating the complexities of their mental health can often feel overwhelming. While many traditional parenting models focus on behavioral approaches—rewarding positive behaviors and discouraging negative ones—a trauma and attachment-informed perspective shifts the focus from behavior to connection.
Rather than asking, “How do I get my child to behave?” we ask, “What does my child need?” This question acknowledges that all behaviors are communication—expressions of unmet needs, unprocessed emotions, or adaptations to past experiences. Supporting your child’s mental health means fostering secure attachment, attuning to their emotional world, and co-regulating with them so they don’t have to manage distress alone.
In this article, we’ll explore how parents can support their children’s mental health through a lens of relational safety, nervous system regulation, and emotional connection.
1. Create an Atmosphere of Emotional Safety
Children thrive when they feel emotionally safe—when they trust that their caregivers are attuned to their feelings, accept them as they are, and can provide comfort in times of distress. Emotional safety is not about shielding children from discomfort but about being a consistent source of support when they experience it.
To foster emotional safety:
Validate emotions rather than dismissing them. Instead of saying, “You’re fine, stop crying,” try, “I see you’re feeling really sad right now. That makes sense.”
Be a predictable, responsive presence. When a child experiences emotional dysregulation, they need a caregiver who remains calm, not one who withdraws or reacts harshly.
Respect their boundaries. If a child is struggling, don’t force them to talk before they’re ready. Let them know you’re available whenever they need you.
2. View Behavior as Communication, Not Defiance
Many parents are conditioned to see difficult behaviors as something that must be corrected or punished. From a trauma and attachment perspective, we recognize that challenging behaviors are adaptive strategies that a child has developed to manage their internal world.
For example:
A child who melts down when plans change may have a nervous system that struggles with unpredictability.
A child who refuses to speak after a stressful day may be shutting down as a protective response.
A child who lashes out in anger may be feeling powerless or unheard.
Instead of focusing on stopping the behavior, focus on what the behavior is communicating. Ask yourself:
“What might my child be feeling right now?”
“What unmet need is this behavior expressing?”
“How can I help them feel safe and understood?”
By addressing the root cause rather than just the symptom (the behavior), you help your child develop emotional resilience and trust in their ability to express their needs safely.
3. Co-Regulate Rather Than Expect Self-Regulation
One of the most essential roles caregivers play in a child’s mental health is teaching them how to regulate their emotions—not through lectures or discipline, but through co-regulation. Children learn self-regulation through their parents’ ability to remain present and regulated in the face of distress.
Ways to co-regulate:
Use a calm, soothing voice even when your child is upset.
Offer physical presence—sitting nearby, making gentle eye contact, or offering a hug (if they are open to it).
Help them name their feelings: “That was really frustrating, wasn’t it?”
Use rhythmic activities (such as deep breathing, rocking, or humming) to help bring their nervous system back into balance.
A child’s ability to self-soothe does not come from being left alone to ‘figure it out’; it comes from experiencing soothing within relationships. When they experience consistent co-regulation, their brain and nervous system gradually develop the capacity to do it themselves.
4. Repair After Ruptures
No parent is perfectly attuned all the time. Mistakes, misattunements, and moments of frustration are inevitable. What matters most in a child’s mental health is not the absence of conflict, but the presence of repair.
If you’ve lost your patience, raised your voice, or dismissed your child’s feelings, repair can sound like:
“I didn’t handle that the way I wanted to. I’m sorry for yelling. You didn’t deserve that.”
“I see that hurt you, and I want to understand what you’re feeling.”
“We had a hard moment, but I want you to know I love you no matter what.”
When caregivers model repair, they teach children that relationships are strong enough to withstand challenges. This fosters resilience and helps them feel secure in their connection with you.
5. Support Autonomy and a Sense of Control
Children need to feel a sense of agency in their own lives. When children feel powerless, they are more likely to exhibit anxiety, defiance, or emotional withdrawal. Supporting your child’s mental health means giving them choices and a voice in their experiences.
Ways to support autonomy:
Offer choices within boundaries (“Would you like to do homework before or after dinner?”).
Let them express their emotions freely without trying to fix or change them.
Encourage problem-solving instead of giving immediate solutions (“What do you think would help in this situation?”).
When children feel they have some control over their world, they are better equipped to handle stress and navigate emotional challenges with confidence.
6. Foster a Secure Attachment Through Presence, Not Perfection
A secure attachment is not about being a perfect parent; it’s about being a consistently present and emotionally available one. Children’s mental health is deeply connected to the quality of their attachment relationships. They need to know that, no matter what, they are loved and supported.
How to strengthen secure attachment:
Spend time engaging in their world—play, read, laugh, and be present.
Follow their lead rather than imposing your agenda during shared activities.
Offer comfort when they need it, without shaming them for their emotions.
Hold the belief that they are inherently good and worthy, even in their hardest moments.
Secure attachment doesn’t mean eliminating all difficulties in a child’s life. It means giving them a relational foundation strong enough to navigate those difficulties with resilience and trust in themselves.
How Our Practice Can Support You
Navigating your child’s mental health journey can feel overwhelming, but you don’t have to do it alone. Our practice specializes in trauma and attachment-informed therapy, helping caregivers strengthen their connection with their children and create a supportive, healing environment. Whether you’re struggling with behavioral challenges, emotional dysregulation, or simply want to deepen your understanding of your child’s needs, we provide compassionate guidance tailored to your unique situation.
How we can help:
Parent coaching and consultation to help you implement trauma-informed, attachment-focused strategies at home.
Therapy for children and adolescents to support emotional regulation, resilience, and relational healing.
Family therapy to enhance connection, improve communication, and repair relational ruptures.
Caregivers won’t always get it right—but with the right support, they can create an environment where children feel safe, understood, and resilient. If you’re looking for guidance in supporting your child’s mental health, we’re here to help. Reach out to our team today to learn more about our services and how we can partner with you on this journey.Supporting your child’s mental health from a trauma and attachment-informed lens requires shifting the focus from managing behavior to nurturing connection. Children do not need to be ‘fixed’ or ‘taught a lesson’ when they struggle; they need to feel seen, understood, and co-regulated within a relationship that provides safety and consistency.
Caregivers won’t always get it right—but their presence, willingness to repair, and commitment to showing up again and again are what truly make the difference. By prioritizing connection, emotional safety, and co-regulation, we give our children the greatest gift: a foundation of relational security from which they can grow into emotionally resilient, self-trusting individuals.