Why Relationship-Based Approaches are Replacing Behavior Management
Behavior management used to be the standard method of treatment for individuals, and children, in particular, that expressed so-called negative behaviors. Primarily focused on mitigating the behaviors themselves and teaching the individual to redirect, this method of treatment rarely gets to the bottom of the problem and instead teaches the patient that their worth is determined by their behavior. In the end, the child may be able to redirect their frustration, but the frustration still exists due to some underlying issue.
As humans, our minds are always attempting to find the safest, most reasonable solution, but when we experience early trauma, the mind can become unregulated and overly chaotic or rigid. In other words, our experiences impact our mental health, and our attempts to re-regulate can manifest as symptoms of mental illness.
Imagine being a child struggling with a relationship with your parents, or feeling anxious at school. Without proper support, the situation can quickly escalate, impacting the rest of your life and bleeding over into mood swings and ‘erratic’ behavior. Instead of addressing the underlying problem and treating you as a whole human being impacted by their experience, your parents and therapist focus on behavior management to make their lives more comfortable.
This isn’t how it should be, and no one should have to be treated as if their character and their behavior are one and the same. Behavior is merely a reflection of inner experience. Behavior management treats only one aspect of the self (the behavior) but does nothing to improve or address the inner experience of the individual or their relationship with friends, family, or the rest of the world.
What is ‘Behavior Management’?
Behavior management is a treatment method that focuses on identifying challenging or destructive behaviors and finding ways to mitigate them. Focused solely on the behaviors and not their origin, behavior management is rarely an effective long-term solution. Since behavior management does nothing to address, change, or eliminate the source of the behavior (emotional turmoil, loneliness, feelings of self-loathing), many patients find themselves feeling more frustrated and further from answers.
Often employed by schools, short-term mental health facilities, and stress-out parents looking for some relief, behavior management is unfortunately used as the first response to outbursts or disruptive behavior. Instead of calming the child’s anxiety, a correction or behavior management technique may only reaffirm feelings of resentment or frustration.
What Is Relationship-Based Treatment?
Relationship-based treatment approaches are centered on the notion that feeling heard, loved, and respected are significant contributors to mental health and wellness. Many patients that express self-destructive or harmful behaviors have expressed the need for affirmation from persons of importance, often relying on their love as a confirmation of their self-worth. When children feel ignored or uncared for, the pain may be expressed as violent outbursts, self-harm, depression, anxiety, noncompliance, and so on.
When a therapist employs relationship-based treatment techniques, they can do what they entered health-care to do in the first place: build trusting, productive relationships that help their patients to grow and feel confident. In relationship-based approaches, every patient is regarded as a whole, emotional, sensitive human being whose past, beliefs, and relationships impact their inner experience.
Rather than focusing on what you do, relationship-based treatment focuses on who you are. The relationship-based approach emphasizes creating a trusting relationship between therapist and patient, and between the patient and their family. For children, relationship-based treatment may help to address feelings of low-self esteem or exclusion and can help them to become more empowered to ask for the things they need to feel comfortable and confident. For parents, relationship-based therapy sheds light on the true source of their feelings, rather than giving them the responsibility to manage and regulate their child’s behavior.
Something many proponents of relationship-based treatment often say is: the patient won’t remember what you did as much as how you made them feel.
At Whole Self Therapy, we are committed to getting to know our patients from the inside out, and learning about them as whole people. Relationship-based treatment approaches enable our patients to freely express themselves and their needs, establishing trust and understanding between them, their therapist, and their family members. By cultivating openness and honesty with all of our patients, we help facilitate long-term life and mental health goals.