Why Do I React So Strongly Sometimes? Understanding "Outsized" Reactions and Implicit Memory
Have you ever found yourself reacting really strongly to something that, on the surface, didn’t seem like a big deal?
Maybe someone’s tone made your stomach drop. Or a missed text sent you into a spiral of self-doubt. Or you suddenly got overwhelmed with anger, even though part of you was saying, “This shouldn’t bother me this much.”
If you’ve been in that place, you might have walked away confused or ashamed. Maybe you’ve told yourself, I’m too sensitive or What’s wrong with me?
But what if your reaction wasn’t about what just happened? What if your nervous system was remembering something old, even if your mind didn’t realize it?
That’s often what’s happening when we talk about implicit memory.
What Is Implicit Memory?
When most people think about memory, they imagine things like remembering a birthday, a vacation, or the plot of a movie. That kind of memory is called explicit memory. It’s clear, factual, and conscious.
Implicit memory, on the other hand, is stored in the body. It includes the things you know or respond to without even realizing it. It’s how you remember how to ride a bike or how your heart races when someone raises their voice, even if you can’t recall a specific event when that first became scary.
These are patterns your brain and nervous system picked up over time, often in childhood or during moments of overwhelm. When those patterns are activated, they don’t always come with a clear storyline or context. They just show up.
“I Know I’m Not in Danger, So Why Do I Feel This Way?”
This is one of the most common questions clients ask. And it makes sense. It’s confusing to feel panicked, ashamed, or shut down in a moment that doesn’t seem threatening.
But this is where implicit memory comes in. Your nervous system doesn’t just respond to facts or logic. It responds to familiarity.
Let’s say you had a parent who withdrew when you were upset. Over time, your system may have learned that showing emotion leads to disconnection. As an adult, if your partner goes quiet during a conversation, you might feel a wave of panic or rejection—even if you consciously know the situation is different.
Your reaction isn’t just about what’s happening now. It’s also about what your body remembers from before.
When the Past Shows Up in the Present
Sometimes these reactions are called emotional flashbacks. That term describes the experience of feeling like you’re back in an old emotional state, even if you can’t recall a specific memory.
It can feel like you’re being transported back in time, not in your mind, but in your body. That’s the power of implicit memory. It doesn’t necessarily come with images or words. It often shows up as emotion, tension, or behavior.
Some signs you might be experiencing this:
Your emotional reaction feels disproportionate to the situation
You feel very young, small, ashamed, or angry out of nowhere
You know you’re safe, but your body feels otherwise
You lose access to clear thinking or self-compassion
You react in ways that confuse even you
A Quick Look at the Brain
When something overwhelming or traumatic happens—especially in childhood—your brain stores that experience differently.
The amygdala, which scans for danger and helps trigger survival responses, is highly active in these moments. The hippocampus, which helps create clear, conscious memories, can go offline when stress is high.
That means the body remembers how it felt, even if your mind doesn’t hold a clear picture. Those stored emotional and bodily reactions can get triggered later by something that seems unrelated, like a tone of voice, a facial expression, or a shift in someone’s attention.
Can This Be Healed?
Yes. And that’s the good news.
The goal isn’t to never have a reaction again. The goal is to be able to recognize when your system is reacting from an old place, and to meet that part of you with understanding and support.
Therapy can help you notice these patterns, bring awareness to where they come from, and build new experiences of safety and connection.
Your nervous system learned to respond in ways that made sense at the time. Those patterns weren’t flaws—they were adaptations. The work now is helping your system recognize when the danger has passed, so it doesn’t have to keep bracing for impact.
What To Do When You Notice a Big Reaction
1. Pause and Notice
Start by noticing what’s happening in your body. Are you tense? Shut down? Do you feel younger than your age? Naming these things gently can create some space between you and the reaction.
2. Orient to the Present
Try saying to yourself, “I’m here, now. I’m safe. This is not the past.” Even if you don’t fully believe it in the moment, offering this to your system can help reengage the thinking part of your brain.
3. Name It as an Implicit Memory
It can help to say, “This feels old.” Reminding yourself that this may be a pattern from the past can reduce the shame and bring some compassion into the moment.
4. Get Curious Instead of Critical
Try asking yourself, “What might this part of me be afraid of?” or “What is this reaction trying to protect me from?” This turns the moment into an opportunity for self-understanding rather than self-blame.
5. Consider Working with a Trauma-Informed Therapist
Healing implicit memory often requires approaches that go beyond talk therapy. Therapies like EMDR, Internal Family Systems (IFS), and somatic therapy work with the body and parts of the self that hold these responses.Why Do I React So Strongly Sometimes? Understanding "Outsized" Reactions and Implicit Memory
You're Not Overreacting—You're Remembering
That phrase can be such a relief for people. When we understand that our body is reacting to something familiar from the past, not something logical in the present, things start to make a lot more sense.
You’re not imagining it. You’re not making things harder than they are. You’re responding to something that your nervous system still sees as important. That reaction is valid—even if it’s inconvenient or confusing.
And you’re allowed to want support to feel more grounded and less hijacked by those old patterns.
Self-Understanding is the Start of Change
Implicit memory helps explain so much of what people struggle with: why boundaries feel scary, why praise can make you uncomfortable, or why rejection stings so much. It brings the past into the present in ways that are often invisible until someone helps you see it.
But the beauty of this kind of work is that once you see the pattern, you can start to interrupt it. You can build new experiences that slowly teach your nervous system that it doesn’t have to be on guard all the time.
It doesn’t mean ignoring the past. It means understanding how it shaped you—and making space for something new.
Looking for a therapist who understands this kind of work?
At All of You Therapy in Philadelphia, we specialize in trauma-informed, attachment-based therapy that honors both the mind and the nervous system. We help you work gently with the parts of you that carry these implicit memories, and we support you in learning how to respond from the present moment—at your own pace.
If you’ve ever felt confused by your own reactions, know that there’s a reason for them. And healing is possible.