How to Help your Child Navigate and Process a Family Move
Moving can be a stressful experience for children. Whether you're moving to a new town or simply relocating to a different part of the same city, your child will need to readjust to a new neighborhood, school, and way of life. The tips below will help you understand your child and get ready for the transition.
Talk about the move with your child ahead of time.
When you're moving, it's a good idea to talk about the move with your child ahead of time. This helps them understand what is happening and why. It also gives them time to think about how they might feel and what changes might occur in order to be successful in their new location.
To start the conversation, try asking your child: "What do you know about where we are going?" After this, feel free to share any information that you've learned such as: what things are like there, history of the local places, and etc.
Be honest about the hard parts.
To help your child manage the transition, be honest about the hard parts.
Don’t sugarcoat it. It’s okay to be sad, scared, angry or confused. And you shouldn’t have to pretend you don’t have concerns of your own (see also: fear of change). This is one of those moments when it really does pay off for parents to tell their kids: “I get it! I am worried too! But we can do this together. We can make this work and make our new home feel like home."
Make sure they know you are still the same family.
You can also help your child feel secure and comfortable by telling them that you will still be their family, even though you've moved.
This is a great way to help alleviate their concerns about the move. You could say something like "We're moving, but we are still the same people."
You might also want to discuss how this change will be good for everyone involved: "We'll have more room in our new house," or "Our new school has lots of fun activities."
Focus on what you're looking forward to.
Focus on what you're looking forward to.
Talk about the new house, school and neighborhood.
Share your excitement over the changes that are ahead of you.
Talk about the new school.
One of the most important things you can do is talk about the new school before your child moves. Asking questions and sharing information will help him or her feel more prepared and less anxious about starting a new school in the upcoming year. The more information they have, the better they'll be able to adjust to their new surroundings and make friends with other students.
Ask for a tour of your child's future school so that he or she gets familiar with its layout and other facilities, like its cafeteria or library, before moving day arrives. Talk about traffic patterns on campus, places where kids hang out after class (if there are any), rules regarding social media use during school hours (and off), expectations for behavior within classrooms, extracurricular activities available at their grade level (and whether your child would be interested in participating), etcetera!
Help them say goodbye.
Help them say goodbye. It’s important that kids have a chance to say goodbye to friends and teachers at their old school, so let them do this. Be sure they know you are there for them if they need comfort or support during this time.
They will have many questions about leaving their old life behind, so be available for them as much as possible during the transition period. This is a big step for children; it can help immensely if parents are knowledgeable about the move and understand how it will affect their child’s life on a personal level.
If it feels appropriate, tell your kids funny stories from when you moved as a kid.
To help your children understand the move better, you can offer tell them funny stories from when you moved as a kid. Be careful about the timing of this, as you want to be cautious about not trying to infuse humor in a situation where your child is still in the middle of processing their grief and needs you to be able to hold the depth of those painful feelings. However, if your child asks, “Did you ever move as a kid,” answering with your own experiences may help them feel more comfortable if they know that moving is normal and nothing to be afraid of. Here are some ideas for what you can share:
Share with them how you felt when your family moved. Did you like the new house? Were there other kids in the neighborhood? How did it feel to say goodbye? Your answers will give them an insight into their own feelings during the move and remind them that everyone has different experiences with change.
Tell them stories about any other family member or friend who has been through a major life transition, like getting married or having a baby. For example: “When my sister got married last year, it was really hard because she moved across town away from everybody we knew! But after a little while she made some new friends and found a job in her new town that she loves!” Help your child know that moving can bring with it a variety of emotions, including happiness and excitement!
Share photos from childhood and family trips or vacations.
Oftentimes, sharing photos from family trips or vacations can help them feel connected to the people they love. For example, if you have photos of your child with their grandparents, this can be a great way to make them feel at home in their new place. You could share pictures of pets if your child misses their pet or loved ones who live far away. Photos of favorite places such as parks or museums are also great ways for kids to see familiar surroundings when they move into a new area. Finally, sharing pictures of favorite foods and activities will help children adapt more easily into their new environment because it reminds them of good times spent in familiar places with family members who care about them.
Focus on the positive impact that their participation and perspective can have on helping make memories in the new home.
You can help your child make new friends in the new town by:
Taking them to meet their teacher and classmates.
Encouraging them to join after-school activities or sports teams.
Finding opportunities for your family to do things together with other families, such as inviting over a few families for dinner or going on a playdate at the park with other children in their school.
Remember, children’s resilience to life challenges increases if they have a supportive environment in which they can express their feelings and ask questions.
Even though it's important not to be overly worried about how your child is, it's also important to remember that each child is unique and may react differently than other children would. Some kids might be more resilient than others; some may need more care or attention after a move, or some might feel hurt by the change sooner than later (or vice versa). Regardless, listen carefully for what they are telling you through both their actions and behavior. If you think something else may be going on, talk with their doctor or consider having your child talk with a therapist about how to best manage during this challenging time.
We know moving can be a stressful time for anyone, but especially children who are going through so many changes at once. If you take these steps to prepare your child for the move, it will be much easier for them when they arrive at their new home.