Why You Might Feel Disconnected From Your Child—and What to Do About It
You’ve read the parenting books. You know about co-regulation, nervous system states, and attachment. You’re trying so hard to show up with compassion, but something isn’t clicking. You feel disconnected, frustrated, or even resentful—and then immediately guilty for feeling that way. You might be experiencing something called blocked care.
Blocked care isn’t a failure of love. It’s not a sign that you’re a bad parent or partner. It’s a protective response—one that often develops in the context of chronic relational stress. And the good news is: it’s reversible. But first, we have to name it.
What is Blocked Care?
Blocked care is a term coined by researchers Daniel Hughes and Jonathan Baylin to describe what happens when a caregiver’s capacity to offer warm, attuned connection becomes compromised due to prolonged relational stress, especially in the presence of repeated rejection, aggression, or emotional withdrawal from the child or person they’re trying to connect with.
Imagine trying to pour from an empty cup—but the cup is cracked, the faucet is broken, and you’ve been standing at the sink for years.
Blocked care doesn’t mean you don’t love your child or partner. It means your nervous system has shifted into self-protection. Instead of being open, curious, and emotionally present, your system says: This isn’t safe anymore. I need to shut down or armor up. You might become more irritable, disengaged, or controlling—not because you’re uncaring, but because you’re exhausted and emotionally depleted.
This is particularly common in parents of children with trauma histories, neurodivergence, or attachment challenges, but it can show up in many relationships. And crucially, it’s not just about the child’s behavior. It’s about the impact of chronic relational rupture without adequate repair.
You might find yourself Googling things like:
"I feel disconnected from my child"
"why don’t I feel love toward my child"
"parenting feels overwhelming all the time"
"I snap at my child and feel guilty"
"I don’t enjoy parenting anymore"
All of those searches point to the same pain: a longing to reconnect, and a deep confusion about why that connection feels so hard right now.
The Neuroscience Behind Blocked Care
Blocked care isn’t just psychological—it’s physiological.
Our brains are wired to connect, but when those efforts are met with repeated dysregulation, rejection, or emotional intensity, we begin to shift out of the brain’s caregiving systems (like the prefrontal cortex and limbic structures) and into survival systems (like the amygdala and brainstem). Over time, this shift can become the new default.
Caregivers in blocked care often report:
Feeling numb or emotionally flat
Going through the motions rather than feeling present
Increased frustration, impatience, or anxiety
A loss of joy in the relationship
Guilt or shame for feeling disconnected
Blocked care can feel like burnout—but with a uniquely painful edge, because it touches the deepest parts of who we are. We’re not just tired. We feel like we’ve lost ourselves as caregivers.
What Makes Blocked Care So Painful
Part of what makes blocked care so agonizing is the internal dissonance. On one hand, you want to show up with warmth. On the other hand, your body is telling you to brace, to fix, to manage, or to shut down. You may find yourself reacting with impatience or rigidity—then lying awake later, flooded with guilt.
This cycle can be especially intense for parents who are deeply invested in raising emotionally attuned, secure kids. When your identity is wrapped up in being the calm, connected one—the safe place—blocked care can feel like a betrayal of your deepest values.
But here’s the thing: your values are still there. They didn’t go away. They just got buried under a mountain of stress and unmet emotional needs.
Blocked Care vs. Attachment Wounds
It’s important to distinguish blocked care from your own attachment wounds—though the two often overlap.
If you grew up with emotionally immature parents or inconsistent caregiving, you may already have a heightened sensitivity to relational stress. You may struggle to believe that you're allowed to need support. And when parenting becomes overwhelming, old parts of you might flare up: the part that believes you have to fix it all yourself, the part that fears being seen as “too much” or “not enough.”
These old wounds can prime you for blocked care—especially if no one is attuning to you while you’re trying so hard to attune to others.
Moving Toward Unblocked Care
The antidote to blocked care isn’t trying harder. It’s not about getting your tone just right or memorizing more parenting scripts. It’s about shifting from survival mode back into connection—with yourself first, then with the other person.
Some steps that can help:
1. Name it without shame.
Blocked care is a nervous system adaptation. Naming it helps reduce the shame spiral and allows for a more compassionate, curious stance.
2. Prioritize co-regulation for you.
Who helps you feel seen, safe, and soothed? What does your body need to downshift out of hypervigilance? This might be therapy, embodied practices, time in nature, or support from someone who gets it.
3. Reconnect with your "why."
Blocked care can shrink our window of tolerance and obscure the reasons we started caring in the first place. Reconnecting with your core values, your hopes, and the moments when connection has felt possible can help thaw the freeze.
4. Repair when you can.
Blocked care doesn’t mean rupture is inevitable forever. As your own system begins to soften, you may find small moments of repair possible—moments where you say, “I was feeling overwhelmed earlier. I want to try again.”
5. Get support.
If you’re deep in blocked care, it’s not a moral failing—it’s a sign you need more support. This is where relational, attachment-based therapy can be so powerful. Not because you need more skills, but because you deserve to be held and accompanied in your own healing.
If you’re searching for parenting support therapy, feeling emotionally disconnected from your child, or struggling with parenting and chronic stress—we see you. There is a path forward.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Human.
Blocked care is a sign that something in the system needs care—not that you’ve failed. Whether you're a parent, a partner, or a human trying to love through hard things, you’re allowed to need more than you're getting. And you’re allowed to pause, get support, and find your way back to connection.
Because when your nervous system feels safe again, your care comes back online. Not because you forced it—but because it was always there, waiting beneath the armor.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to reconnect with your child, our practice offers therapy for parents navigating blocked care, parental burnout, and attachment repair. Reach out—we’re here to help.