As kids, our job is to focus on growing up. The learning, playing, and exploring involved leaves little time for anything else, which is why it is so important for children to have supportive parents/guardians to provide stability, unconditional love, and care. Unfortunately, not all adults/parents are capable of providing the stable environment children need. In some cases, a parent lacking the resources to properly ‘parent’ results in the child being given inappropriate responsibilities. 

When a parent/guardian relies on their child to do practical tasks (i.e. housework or cooking), take care of their siblings, or provide emotional support for the parent, this is called ‘parentification.’

Parentification is rarely purposeful, and most adults that place inappropriate responsibility on their children are themselves suffering or have experienced some kind of hardship. Some common reasons a parent might rely on their child for support include: 

• Substance dependence

• Untreated mental health disorders

• Chronic physical medical conditions 

• Insufficient emotional support systems (i.e. family, friends, therapist)

• Financial hardship

• Divorce or unstable romantic relationships

• Experiences of abuse or neglect as a child

Children that experience parentification may experience one or both of two distinct types: 

• Instrumental Parentification: when a child is expected to take responsibility for practical tasks like household duties, paying bills, caring for their siblings, or assisting their parents with important tasks (i.e. translating for foreign-language speaking parents)

• Emotional Parentification: when a parent relies on their child to provide emotional support, provide advice, keep secrets, mediate family arguments, or comfort their parents during times of emotional distress

While some parents that inappropriately rely on their children don’t realize the damage they could be causing, children that experienced parentification live in a constant state of stress and anxiety. As a result, they may suffer from depression, anxiety, feelings of guilt or shame, compulsive overworking, social isolation, and other similar symptoms. Unfortunately, the effects of parentification can last well beyond childhood, and adults who experienced parentification during their childhood often struggle to trust others and form healthy relationships later in life. 

If you think you may have experienced parentification, and want to explore your past and begin your healing journey, reach out to Whole Self Therapy. Our team of experienced and trusted therapists are here to listen and to help.