Breakups are an inevitable part of life, but amid a breakup, many people begin to doubt themselves, wondering what went wrong during the relationship. Feelings of self-loathing can follow you for years after a breakup, but that’s not how it should be. At the end of the day, all you have is you, and you deserve to have plenty of self-love. After a breakup, you will undergo countless waves of emotion. To not lose yourself in the pain and longing of your former relationship, you’ll need to put in the work to reconnect with yourself. 

Be Patient With Yourself

Healing takes ample time, and it is completely okay to have a slow healing process since everyone heals at their own pace. You might have a tough time getting out of bed, being productive, or even taking care of yourself. Give yourself grace during this time. Self-judgement won’t help you to heal any faster, and could just put you into a pattern of negative self-thinking. Instead, be understanding and patient - you don’t need to get everything done at once. 

Rather than dwelling on your “failures”, recognize your progress so far and celebrate your victories. Say to yourself: “I am enough. I am doing the best I can right now.” Remember: this feeling is temporary. Eventually, you will heal, and you will begin to feel more yourself. 

Journal Your Thoughts

Being open and honest with yourself is key to healing from any emotional turmoil, but being open about something painful (even with yourself) can be difficult. To help yourself begin processing, consider writing your thoughts in a journal. When the breakup is fresh, and your emotions are painful and raw, write down everything you are feeling including the good, the bad, and the ugly. Your journal is a sacred space for organizing all your thoughts, and nothing you write in a journal is off-limits. 

Putting pen to paper may help you to recognize and acknowledge your emotions, and help you to begin processing what happened to your relationship. You will gain valuable insight from writing down your feelings, and perhaps, one day you will gain the courage to read those pages again to see how much progress you have made since. 

Surround Yourself With Family and Friends

Losing a relationship with a loved one can be traumatic, but it’s important to maintain the bonds you already have by reaching out to your people after a tough loss. Call up your friends and family to make plans with them, since no one knows you or how to cheer you up better than your innermost circle. 

While it’s okay to spend some time alone with your thoughts, hiding at home for a long time after a breakup can be detrimental to your mental health. By sustaining positive relationships with the people who care about you after a breakup, you’ll help to remind yourself that you aren’t alone, and give yourself something to look forward to. 

Get to Know Yourself

If your former relationship was long-term, it may have been a while since you have gotten to spend time alone. Enjoy this newfound solo adventure, and don’t be afraid to distract yourself as much as possible so you do not drown in cynicism. Distractions can be anything from taking yourself out on a solo date to engaging in your favorite self-care rituals at home. Whatever you choose to do, pick something that enriches your soul and makes you feel content. 

Healthy distractions are wonderful in the instance of a breakup, as they become productive outlets for any bottled-up emotions. Here are some ideas for learning more about yourself by discovering what you might enjoy:

• Plan trips and travel to new places

• Learn a new language

• Move your body (dance, exercise, etc.)

• Volunteer for a cause you believe in

• Find a new hobby

• Cook homemade meals

• Explore the outdoors

Most importantly, it is now time to get your life back. As hard as the end of a relationship seems, especially if there was a strong emotional attachment involved, you will eventually move forward. Negative circumstances from your former relationship do not define you and cannot break you. Take as long as you need to let your heart heal and regain your strength. Do not give up on yourself. Right now, you need yourself more than ever. 

If you are struggling to cope with a painful breakup, reach out to our team of professionals at Whole Self Therapy. Seeking professional resources during a time of need is incredibly beneficial, and our staff of trusted mental health professionals is ready to listen. Whole Self Therapy is equipped to provide you with proper guidance on beginning your healing journey.