The final weeks of pool trips,  mid-day ice cream cone outings, and sleeping in are coming to an end. You might be counting down the days until you and your child are back to more of a normal routine, or you may be dreading the upcoming transition back to school, fearful that the beginning of the school year will bring with it increased meltdowns, clinging from your child that makes you feel both touched-out and at your wits end, and a constant barrage of “what if’s”. 

“What if Mary doesn’t want to sit next to me?”

“What if we have a substitute?”

“What if I can’t find my homeroom?”

“What if I miss you during the day?”

While the challenging reality is that we can never fully predict what will happen at school and prepare our child for every potential problem that may arise, the good news is that there are things that parents can do to help children and teens feel more prepared for the transition from Summer back into the routine of the school year.

1- Name the upcoming transition and what will be different

A couple of weeks before school is scheduled to start, remind your child of the upcoming start of the school year. This may look like saying “School starts on September 3rd. That means we have 14 days left before the first day of school.” 

For children, visualizing time can be difficult, so this is where having visual aids can be helpful. This might look like having a paper chain that your child can rip off a ring each day to visualize the time counting down. This could also look like having a visual calendar and checking off the days, or taking a bead out of a jar as the days count down to the start of the school year.

2- Start new routines early.

The start of the school year often means waking up earlier, having a faster pace to the morning, and helping your child separate from you. Start practicing having an earlier bed time a week or so before school actually begins. You can tell your child, “School will be starting soon, and that means we have to help your body adjust to waking up earlier. So tonight, your bedtime will be 8pm (perhaps, if it is normally 9 or 10pm).” Don’t expect your child to reply with, “Okay mom/dad/parent, thank you for being so attentive and making sure I get adequate rest.” Your child may push back, whine, or attempt to negotiate. That is okay, and doesn’t mean you are making the wrong decision. Your steadiness as the leader for your family will ultimately support your child in feeling safe and trusting. 

You can also practice having to get up and out of the house earlier than normal. You could plan a fun early morning breakfast, and tell your child the night before what is needed for you to be able to get to the breakfast on time. This could include your child brushing their teeth, taking a shower (if that is a part of the morning routine), packing their bag, changing out of their pajamas and into clothes, etc.” Doing this can be a playful way to practice and help get your child familiar with what it may feel like to have to get ready in a faster timeframe, and for older children or teens, it may help them recognize their own preferences for time pacing, which may lead them to recognize that they need to wake up earlier in order to feel they have enough time to do everything they want to (doing their hair, makeup, picking out their outfit, packing their backpack, etc.)

3- Talk with your child in advance about what to expect

The more your child has a sense of what to expect at school, the more likely they are to feel confident in making this transition. This might look like telling your child, “You know how last year your teacher gathered up all of the students in the main hallway. This year, you will walk into the school and go into your classroom yourself.” Normalize, through talking aloud, how your child may feel about this. Knowing your child- you might already have a clue. This could sound like “Some kids might feel excited about getting to walk to the classroom by themself, but a lot of kids might feel overwhelmed and nervous about finding the right classroom.” If you know that you child may be in the later bunch, considering seeing if it is possible to do a walk through with them before the first day of school to help them feel more confident navigating this transition when it is actually “show time”.

4- Show Up As a Sturdy Leader

Separations can be challenging, both for parents and children. It can be tempting to say, “Is it okay if I leave you now?” or “Do you think we need to read one more book before you go on the school bus?” Unintentionally, asking your child for permission to carry on with the morning routine can convey that you don’t have confidence in their capacities or that you are unable to tolerate the big emotions of anger or sadness that may be expressed by your child during times of separation. Instead, convey confidence and trust in your child’s ability to be successful in school. Children need to be able to look at our faces and see energy of confidence and sturdiness, especially in response to the big feelings of anxiety that may be experiencing. Over time, that trust and steadiness they see in us becomes integrated into them, and even unconsciously, a child can begin to internalize the sense that “I feel unsure of my capacity to be okay, but my parent/caregiver trusts that I can, so maybe I can try.” 

5- Listen to your child

Listening doesn’t mean that our child’s feelings or anxieties determine the choices we make. It does meant hat we listen closely and attend to the possibility that something deeper could be happening for your child, especially if their anxiety or fears around going to school do not shift. This could be a sign of sensory overload or a challenging relational experience that your child needs more skill or support to navigate. As most things related to parenting and parenting choices, there is so much nuance and one size does not fit all. If the tips provided here seem to resonate and increase your confidence in helping your child transition into the new school year, then that’s wonderful! If these tips don’t seem to quite address the unique challenges that you, your child, or your family are facing- that’s okay too, and that does not at all mean that there is something wrong with you, your child, or your family. All children and families are unique, and learning differences and neurodivergence can impact the way that transitions are experienced. Listen to your parenting intuition- beyond any book, beyond any parenting influencer, and *gasp*- even beyond any therapist. If you could use support in challenges related to parenting or supporting your child with anxiety, transitions, loss, or any other mental health or relational challenges, don’t hesitate to reach out. We are here to partner with you for the benefit of your child and family.